Am I drowning?

At least that's what it feels like. You hear the words "we have to let you go" from your superiors and it triggers that life flashing in front of you thing. All of the sudden your basic human fight or flight instinct is subdued. They have you cornered, all while wearing business casual attire and sitting at a conference table. If I was not married, or engaged, I wouldn't have been as upset as I was. All I could imagine was my wife in distress, wondering what was going to happen next, what if we had a child and she wasnt working. What if we had a mortgage to pay off. What if, what if, what if, but...SLAP... WAKE UP. I've realised that you can't do that in life. Your main focus gets blurred and the more time you waste bullshitting and fighting and struggling over it, the less of a chance you are going to hit your eventual target.

If I were to fight, here's what would have happened...probably: I'd swear, insult and feel like assaulting the people who are throwing me in the garbage. Well, ok, I think that is a normal reaction...anyways, the bottom line is, I probably wouldn't have gotten my severance package! Hah, I was going to milk it for all it was worth! And if I were to fly? Same shit. The best part is when they say "please, when you go back to your desk, don't say anything about this". I'm going to be honest with you, I'm too much of a good guy, I accepted with a smile as if my hands were cuffed and complied. I should have made a scene. I did good work that week, I was going over the rest of my colleagues' logs, closing them out. I was doing THEIR work as my assignment. Did I mind? Nope, I was making money, and comfortable. Summer had JUST begun.

Sob sob sob, right? Well, look, the way I see it, you have to take the good with the bad in life. You have to cry sometimes in order to bring happiness back again. Of course there's going to be an emotional breakdown. It will go away. Eventually.

More on my layoff story later on...what do you do when you get laid off?

First off, HR doesn't tell you a thing about this (at least not to me, nor did they tell a friend of mine when she got let go from another cosmetics company), but you should apply for your state unemployment insurance right away. Once the form is completed, you have a one week waiting period and then the cash starts flowing in. Don't get too excited, it's not exactly the sexy numbers you were once making but, let's be serious for a second, it is a generous amount.

Next, get your resume in shape. You can go on craigslist and look at others' resumes to get some ideas but be cautious- look at them all but take into consideration only those with more professional backgrounds- these are the people who most likely paid for their resumes (you too should probably pay, but give this a try first).

There are many sites out there which offer guidelines or free advice, just do it. You'll thank me later. Don't procrastinate- I know that t.v. is looking good, and there's SO much to do on Facebook, but make time for it later. From the time you wake up in the morning (7 am) until the late afternoon (4-6 pm), kick your ass and freakin' market yourself. If you can't make this time frame, just do the best you can, remember it's OK.

So, for now, that's my first bit of advice. Fix/update your resume and get it ready for the next bit of work that will take up most of your time.

Now, take a breath, chill out. Keep focused and your target clearly in sight. Also, don't discount that "Secret" stuff or those laws of attraction, they are not all bullshit. If you keep something in your focus, you can make things happen. No, things are not just going to materialize in front of you, but when you allow yourself to seriously focus on a positive "something" that you want or need, you make it happen and it eventually appears in front of you. No, not out of thin air, but it will come to you. "If you build it, they will come". If you think it, it will happen- I promise you that. It won't kill you to believe it.

Do not forget that, in order for this to actually work you must be true to yourself. You cannot be completely panic free. You NEED a little fire under your ass- this doesn't mean that you have to get nasty or be a negative person- you just have to have a strong drive. I thought my drive was strong and that I was focused but as I've recently noticed- boy, was I wrong.

How do I know I was wrong?
I'm going to eventually need a car- my 1999 Mustang Coupe with a 3.8 v6 is in great condition, but it's nearing the end of it's era with me. I've had it since 2000 and it's been nothing but a GREAT car. So many memories have happened in it, it's like home to me, I love it dearly but it's nearing 200,000 miles and we've been talking about starting a family. So, if that's the case- I have to get something with 4-doors. We were thinking about an SUV but, first of all, you have to think of the maintenance costs (parts moreso than maintenance), and secondly its just SO much car - do we REALLY need a 7 passenger? I mean, how much room do you truly need? If I can fit an entire PA system in my wife's 2007 Mazda3 (2 powerd 800 watt yamahas, cables, soundboard, stands, instruments), then for sure a baby isnt going to take up that space. I already have the car picked out and the reluctant "ok" from my best friend (the wife, naturally). But uh, problem. I need a job. Just the thought of a little one has made me a little nutty, compounded with the idea that I'm going to get a car- my philosophy suddenly became "job, car, eventually kid, job, car, eventually kid". Finally, after 8 months of sending resumes out, I've gotten responses. I just put that extra effort in my work and stepped on the gas. What did I do differently? Well, that's all to come, but the moral of my story: If you believe in yourself, you'll make it happen.

It's happening to me, right now.

New York City and Jobless

New York City, the Big Apple, the greatest city in the world!

The land onto which our forefathers first stepped on when coming from our motherlands. When the words "land of opportunity" chimed in their heads, it was New York where they first thought of. All sorts of people from around the globe, United States included, come to this city to sightsee, and take in the hustle and bustle of NYC- even for most of us residents, it's a relatively quick skip and a jump to one of the most interesting places we've ever been. Its a wonderful place to visit and live, but the purpose of my writing to you all lies within the boundaries of my next few words... finding good work in this state is a bitch.

Where does this stem from? Well, I'll try to make my story short, and leave some room for my next post.

After getting laid off in August 2007 by that quick to grow, quick to fall mortgage lending company, American Home Mortgage, I was in a scramble to find work. What a nutty period of my life- I was engaged at the time, had wedding bills to help take care of, need I say more? Off to the races I went. Needless to say, the economy wasn't garbage like it is right now, and not a month went by and I received a call from Estee Lauder Companies. Apparently, I applied for a VP job posting on Monster.com, and they found a fit for me as a business analyst. It was a long term consultant position, and boy was I thankful. I was back in the game now.

Not more than a few months in, I was a "permanent" member of the team. I got married in 2008 and life was good. Not the greatest paycheck on the planet, but for me, I was smooth sailing. Another few years in that position and I planned on moving up in the ranks- hopefully.

The company slogans and mantras were all motivation boosters. "Bringing the best to everyone we touch", was a real nice one, but the too good to be true words of wisdom were "hire to retire". And with these words my friends, we must laugh out loud. In June of 2009, I had a nice call into the CIO's office with our Executive Director and HR representative, my position was to eliminated immediately due to cutbacks. There it went. It didn't matter what I thought, I had no choice but to get up and leave. And you know something else? They got rid of me, but kept the consultants. Nobody else in my department got laid off, they just got picked and placed in other areas of the company. So, tell me, what was the problem with me? "It was just our only choice at the time" was the explanation given to me. Bullshit.

I must admit - I can only complain so much about the company- they were good to me and my severance package was actually quite pretty. Since I was going to be absent from work and still getting paid, my wife and I decided to enjoy a most wonderful summer. Knowing that when I returned, I had to start my next adventure, and claim unemployment. Just like most of you who are reading this right now - whoopee, right?

The way I see it, I'm essentially getting paid to job hunt. And hunting, I have been. It is now nearing Februrary 1, and since June, after sending 1000's of resumes out, just this week I've gotten a few nibbles. But oh, let me not forget- that PANIC is starting to set in. In a few weeks, I'll elaborate.

My stories, thoughts, feelings and whatever else I have to say should be enough to fill these pages. Maybe it will land me a writing career that I've been dreaming of. Maybe someone out there will read my thoughts and want me to work for their company. Others may not, and that's cool. I am glad that where we live, there is something called freedom of speech, which is what's allowing me to speak relatively freely at this moment and inform my fellow humans and citizens on what is going on out here. It tuly is not fair.

As we enter a new month, I'm getting stronger and more vicious. I will land the job I want. I will survive this crazy time.

Pray for me. Pray for us...all of us.

Stay tuned....